Reminding myself:

 

"My meaning simply is, that whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do well; that whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely; that in great aims and in small, I have always been thoroughly in earnest.” 

Charles Dickens - David Copperfield

 

 

“Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart. The really great men must, I think, have great sadness on earth.”

Fyodor Dostoevsky - Crime and Punishment

 

 

“I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism.” 

Elizabeth Gilbert - Eat, Pray, Love

 

 

I will never have the right words to say,

but if you could see into my heart,

you would see the truth, not just one little part of it.

Not the angry parts, not the hurt parts,

but the parts that want to love and be loved in return.

The parts that are worth waiting around for.

I see those parts in everyone I meet. The good parts.

So I wait.

Because I wish someone would wait for me.

Bowing Out

We met on a rooftop, the sun fading out
Instantly you knew me, without any doubt
Looking at you was like looking at a mirror
I saw myself perfectly; I saw life clearer

In the morning you called to see me again
It's been six months, and every day since then
Best friends with benefits until the end, you said
But I chose to be alone, you were over my head

How many times have I turned you away?
"It's never enough" you always say
So when I finally met someone worth my time
You made it impossible to forget the signs

I only spent two months with him
But it was enough to make you commit a sin
You left your girl and came running to me
I was flattered; you flatter me easily

I choked down my feelings for you to let love in
I craved you so deeply, you started to win
He broke my heart before it could mend
Six hours later you were back in my bed

When I was with him all I wanted was you
Now that I'm not, I don't know what to do
You held me so gently and sung me to sleep
You said that you would always be mine to keep

And I woke up wanting someone so bad
It wasn't you, it was the one that I had
Tears streaming down our faces because of it
"Write me a fucking list, I'll fix this"

I want to want you so bad
But I can't.

The Door

You opened it up to push me through first
Unlike a gentleman, you backed away from my worst
You questioned the security so I was thrown away
The door started to close, but you slipped through part-way
Now that you're on the inside looking out
I'm showing you my darkest side and filling you with doubt
You think you're the Sun and I'm "nothing but the Moon"
Yet you expect me to orbit you when we're in the same room
I can't remember when we would just smile at each other all night
Why, then, do we hold onto some people so tight?
Let's not beat each other to death with the past
Focus on the good if we want this to last
We both hide behind such an impenatrable shell
If it breaks down, maybe time will never tell
I'm drowning you in the sea, sinking further into the abyss
How can you say I'm better off not knowing?; ignorance is never bliss
Quit all of your acts of treason
Lost my belief that everything happens for a reason
I can't just love you amidst all the lust
This goes both ways and we need more than blind trust
So here is the door, you don't get the key
If you keep coming back that way, you'll get nothing, not even me

I don't want love.

my heart sings;

every choke I choose
caught a case of the true love blues
tie me down or I will run
tie me down and I will run

and each inept embrace
spirals into a sick raw frame
when two hearts are in tune
when two hearts are a tomb

and in your side it glow
you're not the one who should sing so slowly
when your eyes move so fast
when your eyes move so sad

the only ghosts I knew
was every page that I wished into
some sad savior of yours
some sad stain on your door

and what you scratched in dirt
the crumbling chords that compose your worth
when a spear's in your side
when there's blood in your eyes

"Heart skipped a beat, and when I caught it you were out of reach"

William

Nothing compares to being the mother of the silliest little boy in the world.

My heart is so full it's fit to burst.

in my brain

"There are meetings with total strangers in which we take an interest from the very first moment, all of a sudden, as it were, 

before a word has been spoken"  

- Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment

 

I just want to yell at you:

 

"STOP IT! Stop talking to me! 

I want to remember you as the one that I can't have, 

so don't you dare drag this out!

You're ruining everything!" 

Greg Laswell - Take Everything

An oldie...